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Being gay is hard for us as adults imagine what it’s like for teenager or even worse our preteens,. Struggling to find their place and purpose in the world and wanting to feel accepted by their peers and the rest of society. Dealing with not only the peer pressures of being a teen, they also deal with the pressure of being a gay teen. A gay teenager has the added concern that the outside hostility influenced by religion or just plain bigotry would make them an outcast at a time in their lives when they need most to fit in. The brain does not completely mature until between the ages of 23-25, not having their brain fully matured yet makes them susceptible to verbal and emotional abuse where if hearing enough times that they are NO good, that they are less than anyone else, they very well may believe this. For some of us we just have to close our eyes and remember what it was like and how in some cases it still is like. The constant reminder ur different. The constant reminder ur NOT part of the majority. Take that feeling…take what ever memories that have u still sitting in front of ur PC reading this and pass it on to our gay youth, Help them become strong and have the same chance as u.

One way to help that I ask all my readers to use is the World Wide Web Highway. Just about everyone is connected today. Everyone on Facebook logs on hoping to find kind greetings and funny comments, dedicated love songs and sexy pictures, silly jokes or just a poke or two, but how many of those people hope to find a pat on the back, a praise for nothing more than being u? How many of the kids come online day in and day out hoping they’d find “a way”, a simple “solution” to what they see as only “a problem”. Hoping to find a way to come out, to tell their parents or maybe even just their friends.

Being gay should not be seen by anyone as something to despise or reject and even less by the gay person themselves. It should not make anyone have to feel like a pariah or an enigma. Yet, every day more and more children are discovering they are different faster & earlier than ever before. Different in a way that is still so unaccepted by many of those that matter the most. By those who help mold a youth’s life. the very people that are suppose to be helping them grow, helping them become the best that they can be. The parents, teachers, coach, religious leaders and even their older siblings, yet they are the very same people ignorant and hateful of what they obviously cannot understand and sadly are the very cause for these children not getting the approval, love and understanding they need to make it, to survive….to WANT to survive. Often ending in the taking of their own lives.

Sometimes, it’s not even that these role models in a child’s life reject these children for being gay, but simply the lack of communication brings them to the same place of confusion, the same place of fear. These role models need to accept that Homosexuality exist and seek out the children that may be experiencing this realization and guide them, lead them as u would do for anyone with special needs or special interest. The child that wants to play football gets sent to the coach. U know a city child that like horseback riding u may want to look up stables they can visit, u see an unusually beautiful child u may help them seek modeling agencies, u come across a gay child, u need to find them support groups.

PLEASE, my readers I ask of u one simple favor…add links that can help them. If we can change the outlook of just 1 person each time we post a “Support Gays” Site. We are making a difference. Find one and pass it on.

Open doors, open minds and save lives.

I will add a list below, copy some or copy them all, and paste them on ur FB status, or email them to a friend. A leader type person that may have access to gay youth, to parents of gay youth, to anyone that will listen and hopefully pass it on to others.

All that matter is that our gay babies lost in the world can read them and see …THERE IS SUPPORT. WE ARE NOT ALONE! WE ARE WORTHY!! THEY ARE WORTHY! Help me save our young brothers and sister. Let’s be here for them.



Below is a list of some of the links u can post to save our Gay Youth from taking there lives. This is not over dramatization. This is a plead to make a difference. I understand when homosexuality was taboo we had to live in fear for our lives, but today we have made a difference and we need to keep going, it’s not over. Yes, the world is accepting more that we exist but that doesn’t mean that people stopped being cruel and mean and parents all understand that some of us were not born the lil girl or boy they dreamed of. Gay children are becoming aware of their same sex preferences at an earlier age thanks to advance technology and the media’s openness but sadly they are still afraid to tell their parents and find themselves feeling like a misfit or an abomination and death seems more honorable than shame.


I ask that in the same way u talk to ur children about drugs and sex and how to not talk to strangers, u need to teach ur children that its ok to come to u and tell u anything. ANYTHING. Mention what some of these things can be and please feel free to mention “Differences”. “A good simple way of doing that is like this. “Son/Daughter if u ever feel that what u like in life may seem different than what the other boys/girls like …it’s ok to be different. It’s ok to tell me u don’t like the same things, it’s ok to tell me what things u do like. Ur unique and no matter what u will always be my child and I will love u NO MATTER what.” Simple. there are all kinds of different people out there and different doesn’t mean bad. That calling names and making fun of other children hurts and being “gay” is not a cause for ridicule. Just like u don’t want them to tease the heavy set lil girl or the missing arm boy, or the ones that wear glasses or braces, u will not accept ridicule of those who like different things, or like things that u may not like for as long as those things are in the realm of legal, there shouldn’t be any reason to treat them any different then they would treat any other child.  


It’s ok to be different. It’s ok Sue, if this morning u woke up from dreaming of Michelle and how good it felt to hold her close. It’s ok Mike that ur heart skip a beat when Josh smiled at u after the football game.  It’s ok Ann that u hate dresses and the color pink and u rather wear ur brothers flannel shirts and boxers or that u feel better learning to fix the car then being in the kitchen learning how to cook and Jerry it’s perfectly ok if u rather learn to cook and sing and dance and care nothing for sports or racing cars.

Nothing says we have to like what every one of our gender likes. It’s ok to be different and it’s ok if u are afraid. We all are at one point or another. We are all confused about something or the other every now and then and no one fits in every circle. U will find where u belong and u will feel as loved and wanted there as everyone else feels when they find their little nook of the woods. If u feel ur different and u won’t be accepted, before u do anything first remember this…U ARE NOT ALONE. There are many of us like u. Ok, now that u know that, take a deep breath, take ur time, find out more about what u are feeling. It’s as simple as clicking on this link

Also, feel free to visit all the links below.


All the links above are good for adults and kids, straight or gay, but the one below I suggest more for those people who might have been harsh once, or not very considerate or understand towards someone gay. A good place to let it all out if the guilt is consuming u or if u simply wish to let ur gay loved one know how special they are to u.




Trevor Helpline 
For gay, lesbian, bisexual or questioning youth 
1- 800-850-8078 (24 hrs)

NYC Youthline

Suicide Prevention Hotline

I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to let those gay youth u come across understand they are accepted. They are no different than any other child and they are loved. God gave me several chances to come back when I couldn’t deal with the rejection and I want to believe that I am here to help others from making the same mistake. I was lucky but that doesn’t mean they will be.

A good place to write about what u feel is in the link below. Who knows maybe u can help another gay youth. 🙂 


Thank you for reading this. Those that made it to the bottom of the page… I know that u are already making a difference. Just remember it might had gotten easier for us, but for every new young gay it’s a brand new struggle. Let’s make that journey easier every way possible.

*Ms. B. Haven*




(Be on the lookout for these and stay away)


TRUE lesbians hate these women, but it is hard to spot them out. These ladies can come in femmes and studs. These are the women who claim up and down that they are 100% lesbian women. But they really still mess with men. One way to spot them is that they usually get offended when someone calls them bisexual. They also make a note to wear a lot of pride items at one time so they can always be seen. These women are dangerous because you really never know what they are doing. One week they could be gay and the next they could be pregnant. BEWARE of these DYKEs!!!

Not to be confused with Yikes dyke

An in the closet lesbian. Obviously gay, but closeted none-the-less.

B/S Studs

These Studs are unbelievable. They dress, and act like true studs but they are really disguised. These women do not represent studs well at all. They are usually looking for a femme to take care of them all the time. Also they don’t do things that studs are suppose to do such as take the dominate role in the bed room. These women like the thought of being a stud but don’t want the responsibility that comes along with it. They usually do not care about pleasing their woman in any way, or they feel like you should give them something in return for being with them. In other words they are the equivalent of a good for nothing scrub of a man. Some outrageous things about these women are:

1. They think their woman should take care of them

2. They are controlling

3. They can not do anything for themselves

4. They are usually on some kind of drug, usually weed and alcohol if not just full of themseves

5.  Some even don’t give oral sex, sex is like a ritual passionless

6. They swear they are God’s gift to this world

7. They tend to have lots of resent exes, but you won’t learn this from them

8. They claim exes are just women they dated and didn’t want who ares till in love with them

9. They lie or omit a lot

PLEASE WATCH YOUR BACK FOR THEM. IF YOU MAKE A MISTAKE AND GET ONE RUN QUICK!!! I should know cause I had one and I thank GOD I ran!!! It’s sad too cause they come across like really sturdy no-fool-around Butch. Don’t fall for that “Butch as I am, Butch as I stand” Syndrome. They are weak and insecure and unsatisfying even if they give you oral sex…lol You’ll know if  you are with one when you get that feeling that your feelings don’t matter and everything you do surround their needs only.


These have to be the most dangerous of all the lesbian community. The Drama Dyke love to be surrounded with drama at all time. These are the kind of females that cheat and put themselves in situations to get caught. They usually stay in some sort of trouble. They have crazy ex-girlfriends, they like to get into fights, but usually they want someone to help them fight. These are the girls you NEVER want to be with in pubic places, especially gay clubs and events. Signs to look out for:

1. They bring up ex’s a lot

2. They always seem to be nervous

3. They discuss their drama as they are claiming how much they hate drama

4. They tell you there could be problems before you go somewhere

5. They like posting on your wall making sure everyone knows she is with you.

6. They are sneaky and conniving


This is all for now. As I discover more on my search for more Lesbian Life Knowledge I will add them here.  Hope this is helpful and please take the red print serious.

*Ms. B. Haven*

A Guide to Types of Lesbians

It’s been my recent discovery that there are baby dykes*  out there running around wondering why now that they are with a woman, they’re still feeling uncomfortable in their own skin. One of my friends thought she had to be a femme when she first came out the closet, only to discover that even though she was in a lesbian relationship she still did not feel comfortable. Later on she experimented with being the butch and found her “nook in the rainbow”. Yup, I made that one up and I am going to wear it out…lol

Another friend recently came out after a 20 plus years married to a man. After 5 years and 2 lesbian relationships later she still didn’t know what type of lesbian she was. When she came to me with the question “What is a femme and a butch?” I knew then I needed to get this “Lesbian Labels” blog out for everyone to read. 

PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THESE WERE NOT CREATED BY ME. They have been around for a long time. I for one don’t care much for the labels but it does help new lesbian understand what choices are out there and what they can expect. I can almost bet WEBSTER’S does not acknowledge many of them and those it does may not have the same meaning.

The reason that lesbians have so many terms to classify themselves is that each one is a little different and they don’t like to be pidgeonholed into arbitrary categories, as has happened in the past when lesbians were classified into strict gender roles as either butch or femme. In-betweens, or kikis, were looked down on, and even considered traitors to the lesbian community. The intention with so many terms nowadays is to be inclusive rather than exclusive.

I gathered as many labels as I could and put them together here in hopes that it can help. I skipped a lot of them I thought would only confuse people.  Words in parenthesis are just the categories the words apply to.


Androgynous (Studs and Femmes)

A lesbian who is neither masculine nor feminine in appearance or behavior. Universally known as Unisex.

*Baby Dyke (Studs and Femmes)

A young lesbian or someone who is just coming out of the closet. Also know as Dyke in Training.

:star:Alternate Definition: A young butch or soft butchunder the age of 25.

Common Misspellings include: baby dike.

Bisexual (Studs and Femmes)

This is a woman who can form meaningful relationships with both sexes. When she is with a woman, she is with her, and fits totally into the gay world with no problems. When she is with a man, she fits totally into the straight world, and totally loves him. She is not really confused, she just falls in love with a person and not a gender. She usually prefers sex with women, but some can enjoy both equally. She is usually attracted to stud/tomboy types but may have a lot of problems in the relationship, because of the stud`s/tomboy`s fear that she is not true to the game, and will eventually go back to men. Sexually she is usually aggressive in bed.

:star:Alternate Definition: To be bisexual is to be attracted to a person regardless or gender or sex. It does not mean that you cannot make up your mind, it does not mean you are sex-crazed, and it does not mean that you will by default participate in orgies every night.

Blue Jeans Femme (Femmes)

A Blue Jean Femme is a lesbian who identifies as femme, or feminine, but prefers jeans and more casual clothing to dresses and skirts.

Boi (Studs)

For lesbians, a boi is a woman who is biologically female, but has a boyish appearance or presentation. A boi may be lesbian identified or s/he may be trans identified. For gay men a boi is a gay man who is boyish or young in appearance or identity.

:star:Alternate Definition: This spelling of the word originated in a gay magazine called, “XY” in the early to mid 1990’s. XY is targeted at gay male teenagers. This spelling describes a youthful, hip, and attractive male. While completely embraced in the gay community to mean any young, sexually attractive male, this spelling also appears in heterosexual contexts to mean similarly, a young, handsome guy.

However, now A boi is a lesbian or gender-queer person who identifies most with their male energy and presents themselves as male in their appearance. They may consider themselves to be of either gender although they are anatomically female.

Butch (Studs)

A woman who adopts what would be considered masculine characteristics.

:star:Alternate Definition: A (traditionally) masculine man or woman, and especially a masculine lesbian. Often the “dominant” partner in a lesbian relationship, and especially of a butch/femme lesbian relationship.

Dressing masculinely does not make a woman into a lesbian, contrary to popular belief; it’s usually more convenient. Acting masculinely only means that’s the gender role that the person identifies with; it has nothing to do with their sexual life. A highly masculine man could be gay for all we know and a very feminine man could be straight for all we know, and both of these cases are frequent.

Chapstick Lesbian (Studs and Femmes)

A chapstick lesbian, while she shares some of the behavioral traits of a soft butch, prefers to retain her feminine identity. However, chapstick lesbians are more practical than lipstick lesbians in several respects.  She usually dresses quite casually and does not wear make-up and they don’t waste the money to “have their hair done” They feel that long, natural hair is much prettier  and a friend can trim it a little if need be without getting carried away and doing a butch job.  A chapstick lesbian, is sometimes called ++a soft femme or androgynous.  To summarize, a chapstick lesbian is characterized by her practical, fun-loving, feminine identity.

Origins: Introduced in the late 1990’s to take on all those lipstick lesbians out there! The term Chapstick Lesbian was popularized after an episode of the TV show Ellen. Someone asked Ellen if she were a lipstick lesbian or what. Ellen replied, she was more of a chapstick lesbian. This fact is confusing cause Ellen would not fall under chapstick Lesbian. I believe she was trying to do what she does best being a comedian not realizing that the Chapstick lesbian term did already exist. Her butch haircut alone removes her from the category.

:star:Alternate Definition: A female homosexual whose gender identity is slightly to the femme side of neutral on the femme-butch continuum of gender presentation but whose appearance and preferences stop short of those of a “lipstick lesbian.”

Diesel Dyke (Studs)

A Diesel Dyke is a very butch or manly lesbian, especially one who is very aggressive. In some lesbian circles Diesel Dyke refers to a very butch Big-Rig (or other heavy equipment) driving lesbian. Also known as a Bulldagger.

:star:Alternate Definition: A lady (often quite large,) that prefers the (very) close company of other ladies, known as femmes. Regularly seen wearing a lumberjack shirt, boots and dungarees/bib & braces overalls.

Origin: Due to the normal extreme mass of these ‘ladies,’ it has often been assumed that locomotion could only be facilitated with the assistance of a powerful Diesel engine.

Drag King (Studs and Femmes)

A drag king is a woman who dresses to look like a man, usually for performance. Drag kings are often lesbian, but not always.

:star:Alternate Definition: A woman who, generally for public entertainment, dons men’s clothes and adopts a stereotypically masculine demeanor while on stage. As with drag queens, a drag king’s performance can range from a silly, overdone parody to a more natural, subtle depiction of masculinity.

Dyke (Studs and Femmes)

Another word for lesbian. Usually is only used by people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans. A straight person using this word may offend some people.

:star:Alternate Definition: Although originally a derogatory term for lesbians, it is now often used with pride by lesbians themselves, especially the younger and hipper lesbian crowd. Some lesbians (especially older or super-sensitive ones) still object to the term, but it is becoming increasingly common and mainstream (at least within the gay community), with events such as “Dyke Nights” or “Dyke Marches” being held around the country. In fact some dykes resent being called a lesbian, as they feel it is much less cool than being called a dyke.


A feminine lesbian. Also known as a Lipstick Lesbian. Sometimes spelled Fem.

:star:Alternate Definition: A (traditionally) feminine woman. Mainly used to refer to a feminine lesbian, and especially a feminine lesbian who is attracted to masculine, or butch lesbians.

Often thought of as passive, dulcet, timid little things with long locks of hair; prissy dresses; great big fawn eyes; a high, baby-doll voice; the courage of a lamb and the intelligence of a gardenia. But we’re all human, so don’t expect that stereotype of finding every femme to be submissive, faint-hearted little fairies. Plenty of femmes kick butt and are even the dominant over their butch partners.

Futch (Studs and Femmes)

Dani Campbell, a lesbian firefighter from Florida who was one of the contestants on MTV’s Shot at Love with Tila Tequila coined the word “Futch.” She says the word describes someone who is neither feminine nor butch, but a cross between.

:star:Alternate Definition: A lesbian, dyke or other variety of queer woman who possesses or displays qualities and identifiers of both butch and femme. (noun)

Futch (adjective) describes:
a) a non-standard display of female masculinity, which contains elements of the feminine (such as clothing, walk, cosmetics, shoes).
b) a non-standard display of queer femininity, containing elements of the masculine (such as clothing, walk, cosmetics, shoes).

If butch/femme is a spectrum, a futch may be found at any or all of the points in between.

A futch presentation may occasionally be ephemeral, caused by the migration of an woman’s queer self-identity, but is much more likely to be ongoing and deliberate; reflecting an individual’s own position of comfort on the queer gender presentation scale.

Tila Tequila’s date, Dani Campbell, a lesbian firefighter from Florida, claims she invented the word “futch” to describe herself as being part butch, part femme. However, a spot of research will reveal that the word has been in moderate usage in the dyke community since at least 1990. Dani would have had to be a very inventive little futch at 11 to be the word’s progenitor.

Sometimes futch sighting is a false positive, as in the case of many rural women who make the gaydar spang wildly, but who are merely hetero women who portray common lesbian markers, such as speaking firmly, gesturing strongly, taking no nonsense, and using no botox. While wearing boots.

Gold Star Lesbian (Studs and Femmes)

A gold star lesbian is a lesbian who has never slept with a man and has no intention of ever sleeping with a man.

Hasbian (Studs and Femmes)

A hasbian is a woman who used to identify as a lesbian and date women, but is now dating men.

:star:Alternate Definition: A term meaning a lesbian who now partakes in heterosexual activities. However, it does not mean that a woman has CHANGED her sexual orientation, that is something which does not change. She may however have changed her sexual behavior or identity. The woman may truly be straight and have previously been questioning, or the woman may have been a lesbian who has retreated into the closet, or the woman may be bisexual, omnisexual or something else of that nature but by no means can a person change their orientation.

Kiki (Studs and Femmes)

Kiki is a term that was used in the lesbian bar culture of the 1950s and 1960s to describe someone who was neither butch nor femme. At that time, the bar culture was very much into roles and most women were pressured to choose either butch or femme.

Lesbian (Studs and Femmes)

Lesbian is a term most widely used in the English language to describe sexual and romantic desire between females. The word may be used as a noun, to refer to women who identify themselves or who are characterized by others as having the primary attribute of female homosexuality, or as an adjective, to describe characteristics of an object or activity related to female same-sex desire.

:star:Alternate Definition: A woman who loves or is sexually attracted to women. I read through other descriptions of lesbian and some people who made definitions on this word are just plain retarded.

Lipstick Lesbian (Femmes)

A lipstick lesbian is a woman who loves other women, but also loves her clothes and makeup and shoes. She tends to dress on the femmy side. Also known as Femme or Fem.

:star:Alternate Definition: A feminine lesbian. It can be used interchangeably with femme to indicate a feminine lesbian, but strictly speaking, a femme is usually attracted to masculine, or butch, lesbians and a lipstick lesbian is attracted to other feminine lesbians.

Often thought of as demure, submissive creatures, many, if not all femmes and lipstick lesbians are quite strong, independent women.

Lone Star Lesbian (Studs and Femmes)

A Lone Star Lesbian is not a lesbian from Texas. A Lone Star Lesbian is someone who has only had sex with one person in their life. Straight and bisexual people can be Lone Stars too.

LUG (Studs and Femmes)

LUG stands for “Lesbian until Graduation“. A LUG is a woman who experiments with women during her college years, but eventually decides she is straight and marries a man.

:star:Alternate Definition: Someone who for whatever personal/logistical reasons decides to be a lesbian until graduation. The seriousness of this can range from officially identifying as a lesbian (possibly accompanied by an elaborate coming out process) to avoidance of the official term and simply fucking around with girls. Rather like cinderella after midnight, these are the girls who revert back to the male half of the species after leaving the college bubble. A very common occurrence at women’s colleges. Also has a counter-part in the term bi until graduation (BUG). Most frequently used on women’s college campuses, the term may also be used as an insult or warning and is oftentimes by other women who have more romantic or sexual experience with other women (AKA lesbians/bi chicks who have come to terms with their sexuality earlier on and are talking about the chicks who’re just now starting to explore).

Pillow Queen or Ultra Femme (Femmes)

A Pillow Queen is someone who likes to be on the receiving end of sex. She likes to be pleasured and not reciprocate. This is the type that usually gets with a “touch me not” Butch/Stud. She is used to being taken care of by her butch. She is also used to being pleasured totally in bed. She will not give her women head (because she does not know how, or never has had to learn how.) She will treat her butch like a woman would treat a man. Their roles are old-fashioned and rigid.

Power Dyke (Studs and Femmes)

A Power Dyke is a lesbian who has gained a position of power, either within the LGBT community, or in the world at large. She could be the head of a non-profit agency, a politician or successful in business. Also known as Power Lesbian or a Suit.

Pseudo stud aka the “I wish I was hard” stud  (Studs)

This is the type of stud that is a pretender. She is hard on the street, around her boiz and femmes that she is not dating. When she goes home to her femme, however, she drops the facade. Her girl takes control and may even dominate her in bed. She may even allow her girl to use a strap-on with her. Her girl may sometimes wonder who the femme really is in the relationship. This type of stud may also have a secret attraction to fem-studs, new age studs and in some cases butches. A lot of white dykes fall in this category (u see them walking around holding hands, butch with butch.) On rare cases you see them in the black community. You know the type, where you are constantly wondering who’s the daddy. This is the type of stud that needs to have her stud card revoked!!!

Soft Butch (Studs and Femmes)

A soft butch is a lesbian whose appearance is generally androgynous. She may dress and act in a masculine manner, but be soft and more feminine in the inside. Also, a soft butch can be someone who falls somewhere between butch and femme, but closer to the butch side.

Sport Dyke (Studs and Femmes)

A sport dyke is a lesbian, who more than anything, identifies with being an athlete. She may also dress in a manner that would give the impression she is an athlete, like baseball caps, sweatshirts and jeans.

Stem (Studs and Femmes)

A stem is a lesbian who identifies somewhere between “stud” and “femme”.Also known as Kiki.

Stone Butch (Studs)

A stone butch is a lesbian who gets her pleasure from pleasing her partner. She does not like to be touched sexually.

:star:Alternate Definition: Most masculine of the Butches – may pass as male without actually trying. May identify as transgender, that is identifying outside of the gender usually associated with females. Does all or most of the above in masculine gender expressions. May or may not be sexually aggressive. Will not be made love to as one would a “woman”. Will have questioned their gender at some time in their lives. Will not be totally comfortable with their female body. May think of Butch as a separate gender from man & woman.

Stone  Femmes ( Femmes)

A femme lesbian who never tries to flip or “melt” her Stone Butch lover, but prefers to pleasure her lover by taking a passive role in sex.

:star:Alternate Definition: A second definition is a femme lesbian who does not like to be touched, much like a stone butch.


A dominant lesbian, usually butch. This is usually the type of dyke that has gender identity disorder (she thinks and wants to be a man). She takes on the very dominant role in relationships, the male role to be exact. She dresses like a man and acts like a man. There is nothing feminine about her. She is sometimes more of a man than some men. In bed she will only want to make love to her women with a strap on. She will not want women to touch her breast, or her vagina, go down on her or provide her with any type of pleasure. She wants to do all the pleasuring. She does not want women to touch her breast etc, because it reminds her that she is a woman.


:star:References and Credits

:pointr: #TheLesbianClub
:pointr: :trirainbow: by =MistressRaven1605
:pointr: Lesbian on Wikipeda
:pointr: Lesbian Life
Urban Dictionary

Any questions or corrections please feel free to email me at